I'm Adopted

Hello. I remembered my password again. Aren't you proud?

On to the point of this post...I found out on May 17 that I was adopted by my dad.

*insert dramatic music clip here*

My dad told me he was going to come over for breakfast that morning, and that is when he broke the news to me that he adopted me when I was a year old. My mom had been engaged and living with my biological father (aka Andy) when I was born. He decided when I was three months old to kick my mom and I out of his house, and eventually signed his rights over to my dad, after he and my mom married. He never contacted my parents again, until last July.

I had no clue. I had suspicions of course, because my three younger sisters look so much like eachother and nothing like me. They are tan, taller than me, blonde hair, green eyes. I'm pale with freckles, dark brown hair and blue eyes. They all resemble each other and not me. When I was younger I found adoption papers, but my mom told me that it was for me to have my dad's last name. Then I found my immunization chart with my old last name (Andy's) one time and freaked out...until my mom showed me my birth certificate and Social Security card, with my current last name on them. She told me the nurse made a mistake with my immunization card, that was all.

Some people say that I should have figured it out, and yeah I probably should have. But that's hindsight bias talking, right? I mean who does this really happen to? Characters in movies? Someone your friend's mom knew? No one really expects or even thinks it will happen to them. Ever. We all have that childhood thought of "what if" we were adopted and what we would do, how we would react. But I had actual evidence (although I didn't know it at the time) that I was adopted, and I still didn't honestly think I was. It's never something that happens to you. Just that kid on the news, ya know?

I am still really shocked by it all and have no idea how to feel. I have no idea WHY he did it. He says it was because of my grandmother, that he didn't like her and didn't want to have to be a part of her life or whatever. Um...this is the same grandmother I have seen less than ten times in the past five years. I rarely see her ever, and didn't as a kid either. My mom's side of the family is strange like that. None of them get along and none of them really talk to each other either.

Andy wants to meet me and get to know me. His daughter, my biological half-sister, Elizabeth, wants to meet me too. I have been emailing her for a few weeks now, and am flying down to stay with her for a long weekend next month. Just her and me though. Her family (our family?) wants to meet me too, but I am nervous about that. I don't really know how I feel about Andy yet. I haven't even wanted to see a picture of him.

On the one hand, I really want to get to know my half-sister and my new cousins, aunts, etc. But....I don't know if I want anything to do with Andy. I mean, HE walked out of MY life, and said he didn't want ME. He had his reasons, whatever they were, and he made that choice and didn't think twice about them for twenty years. And now all of a sudden, he wants to meet me. I forgot to mention that he hasn't seen me in twenty years, except for one time at the mall last Christmas, when he apparently followed me around staring at me while my mom nearby threatened him to within an inch of his life to go. the. eff. away. and not talk to me.

The ball is in my court. I have reached out to Elizabeth. She lives in Mississippi, which is why it is so easy to visit her; her dad and family live in Ohio. So I know they won't be there. But what do I do about them? Should I meet them somewhere down the line and risk him being there? Should I just get over it and meet him, but make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that I will not be having a "Daddy Andy" and "Daddy Todd"? He will always be Andy, and my dad will always be Todd.

I'm also afraid that if I get to know Elizabeth and form this relationship with her, that she will want me to meet him. She is five years older than me and has made it clear that she loves her dad and he is everything in her eyes, but that she will not push me into meeting him. But what if she does??

How sad is that, really? Twenty years of not knowing your own sister? I cry about, because I am so close with my other sisters, and I didn't even know Elizabeth existed. It's so amazing, but heartbreaking. Amazing because I always wanted an older sister, someone to look up to and get advice from, and now I HAVE ONE!! How often do your childhood dreams get realized? But it's heartbreaking that we will be meeting, as sisters, for the first time, when we are 20 and 25.

I don't know how to feel or what to do.

Any opinions out there? Anyone out there?